Reflect and Revise

Being in a relationship with another human being is difficult. Exponentially more so when it is a romantic one.

The first and most important part of that relationship is the presence of love. Not love in the sense that you have found 'the one', but love in the sense that you find your new partner to be wonderfully created, and someone worthy of your admiration and respect.

Men have it hard. We're told from an early age that our emotions and feelings stem from internal weakness and they need to be controlled and suppressed. This is not how you love another person, you love others by being willing to share your life with them, and being willing to listen to the victories and struggles of the other, and to empathize alongside them in their journey.

Proverbs 31 is used frequently in lady small groups because it devotes most of its word space to being a good woman in a relationship, specifically as a wife, but the lessons crossover to dating in my opinion.

Men are addressed three times in Proverbs 31

11. Her husband has full confidence in her
and lacks nothing of value.

23. Her husband is respected at the city gate,
where he takes his seat among the elders of the land.

28-29. Her children arise and call her blessed;
her husband also, and he praises her:
"Many women do noble things,
but you surpass them all."

As men we are instructed to

1. Trust the women we're in a relationship with,

2. Be worthy of their respect and love by being respected in our own community, and

3. We need to praise and encourage the women in our lives.

Christian men know very well the verses in the New Testament where women are asked to serve their husbands. But we easily forget that we're meant to love the woman in our life as Christ loved the church. How did Christ love the church? He sacrificed everything he had for it, he loved it so much that he gave his life for its gain. That's huge.

But at the end of the day, we're all human and imperfect. We cannot love perfectly as God does. Our efforts to love each other will at times fail. The only way to make a relationship last is to 'truly, truly, truly love each other' according to John Wooden. Coach Wooden also said 'There are many things that are essential to arriving at true peace of mind, and one of the most important is faith, which cannot be acquired without prayer.'

Without seeking God's love and guidance as a team, our efforts will ultimately fail.

If we as men are not actively seeking to love Christ in our daily lives, then we are not putting forth our best effort to love in our romantic relationships.

But, if we do seek Christ and take into our actions His guidance, we can live and love abundantly.



1. Love God. Seek His love, blessings, and guidance through prayer, meditation, and biblical study.
2. Love her. We can show this by being open and honest, as well as being willing to listen and empathize.
3. Trust her.
4. Try to make yourself worthy of her love... financially, physically, spiritually, and mentally... 'success(worthiness) comes from knowing that you did your best to become the best that you are capable of becoming', to once again quote John Wooden.
5. Be encouraging and praise the woman in your life.

PS: Since I quoted John Wooden so much I would be remiss if I omitted his definition of love...

Love means many things. It means giving. It means sharing. It means forgiving. It means understanding. It means being patient. It means learning. And you must always consider the other side, the other person. You can give without loving, but you cannot love without giving. – John Wooden